when was the last time i updated THIS thing? i'm surprised they haven't cancelled my account. anyways... go here. it's my journal that i have had since new years. ^-^ so gooo!!! =D

it huurrrrrrrrrttttssssss!!!!!!!! ;-;

amber, remember how i told you my tooth hurt??? well it was hurtin a hella lot last night (i wuz crying ;-;) and this morning when i woke up, my gums were all swelled up, i couldn't even close my mouth ;-;

so today my dad took me to the tooth doctor at 1030 and they said that i hap a pulp infection or something like that and i needed something immediately or else it would get infected and i would be in even MORE pain...

ROOT CANAL!!!! ;-;

it was my front tooth.. ;-;

he had to give me a shot in the roof of my freakin mouth!!! it hurt sooo much!!!! ;-;

but the cool thing was, he was trying to make me more calm,,, so they put me on nitrous oxide(sp?) and it felt like i was dreeeeminng.... i got all tingly and relaxed and i couldn't open my eyes... it was kinda like being comfortably numb.... =oo....and the air i was breathing was all sweet and candy like.... ^.^ mmmmm...i was like dreaming....

and now i'm home (dad said i didn't hafta go back to school since my face is numb and i wouldn't be able to talk) but the numbness is decreasing from my tooth now and my cheek really hurts and my head is sore and my other teeth are kinda sore and my nose is throbbing.... but my root-canaled tooth feels perfectly fine...but now i have to take antibiotics 3 times a day (along w/ advil) for a week until i go back so they can seal of the tooth....but that means another shot in the roof of my mouth...

the worst part was the shot,,, my dad said that i jumped (i couldn't tell =b)and he ripped the tissue in the roof of my mouth when the needle was still in, because i jumped.... so the roof of my mouth feel kinda shredded and i can taste a little blood, but he said i would be fine...

thank the gods it doesn't hurt anymore!!!

but now i'm reaaally hungry and i'm not allowed to eat anything cuz of my tooth ;-;

so i'm just gunna go to sleep till later when i CAN eat...

mmmmmm *drool* i would do anything for even a turkey sandwich

and i don't even really like turkey,,, it kinda looses it's flavor after thxgivin and all...

so i'm gunna go to bed.

gnitey nite.
  • Current Music
    =o off of that candy smelling gassy stuff ^____^

me according to

My favorite fruit says:

You love the good life. You live extravagantly and like everything around you to be beautifully crafted. You are optimistic, have an excellent sense of humor and enjoy having your friends around you.

The Type of Swimsuit I wear...

Wearing a single block color shows that you are generous person and are open to new ideas. You enjoy tasks that challenge you, while others may see your acceptance of such tasks as a risky and even brave thing to do. You don't hold any secrets and speak your mind directly. You have a rather naughty approach towards the opposite sex, and your tendency to flirt can sometimes get you into trouble.

Reacting to compliments

When you are being complimented, you respond with a question such as "Who me?" "You think so?" or "Really?". This shows that you are a good listener and tend to agree with other people's opinions. You don't like conflict and never discriminate against others.

My favorite room in the house:

You are an imaginative and colorful character. You believe in true love but until you find it, you'll have fun flirting. You attract people just by the way you talk. This can make insecure people feel jealous.

My handwriting...

If you write some strokes thickly but others are thin, it's likely that you're a very unpredictable person. Sometimes you'll get very serious about something, but there's always the possibility that you'll suddenly lose interest. It can take you a long time to complete a task - if it gets done at all before something else grabs your attention.


You truly believe in friendship. You get along well with others, and those who are around you are happy to be with you, too. You love to be surrounded by friends and you'll do anything you can to help them without expecting anything in return. When your friends are smiling, you're as happy as you can be.

What does your pet tell people about you?

You are neat, clean and tidy. You don't like to be pushed around and you won't do something just because you're expected to. You don't live by the rules - you prefer to make up your own instead. If you are interested in an issue, you will find out more about it because you want to, not because you have been told to.

How many rings do you usually wear?
People who wear a total of four rings or more lack self-confidence and are always on the look out for true love. They love life's luxuries, but find them a poor substitute for friends and a lover.

How attractive are you to the opposite sex?
Part 1 : Self Confidence
You're confident.

Part 2 : Sensory Perceptions
Extremely sensitive to surrounding stimulation.

Part 3 : Body Language
Quite good at utilizing on occasions

Part 4 : Conversational Skills
Really good conversational skills!

Part 5 : Empathy For Others
You're an extremely kind and warm person.

How attractive are you to the opposite sex?
Average like the majority.
  • Current Mood
    fuck you kind of mood

(no subject)

i just wish i had some real frends that cared and listened and understood. but all of that doesn't matter now cuz i'm a whore and i blow things out of proportion. besides,, i don't think whores have friends, just sex partners.
  • Current Mood

why does everyone always hate me!?!?!?!

it's not fair.

so what i flirt some?? it's not like i fucking DO anything w/ them.


i hate my life, i hate my personality, and i hurt everyone around me when i try my fuckin hardest not to.

am i just meant to grow up a bitch??

but why is it, that whenever i TRY to have fun, ppl get mad and bitch and complain about it????

just fuck it i need i knife i dont care anymore
  • Current Mood
    fuck you

(no subject)

i fell asleep about 2 hours ago... woke up again and i guess i'm online now.

maybe my subconscious knows something i don't. i had a dream that i was walking out int he field behind my house and tons of people came up to me and were like "you are worth nothing." they kept using weird cliche's like "you aren't even a grain of sand on the beach." and weird things like that. then i started to cry and they laughed at me....

i guess i shouldn't show my real emotions anymore, just so i can please my friends.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely

(no subject)

you know.. it's really hard to stay on every one's good side and still be yourself...
I try so hard to be nice to everyone.. and it's so hard..
Does it pay off? i dunno..
*sigh* i'm so lonely.. i want someone to hold me.. to love me so bad. why do i want this so bad?? is it some kind of weakness.. ? i don't know..... i don't know anything any more......
i mean, it's like, anytime i try to be myself, something bad always comes out of it... now amber probably fucking hates me...just cuz i had to go and be my stupid self. god i'm so fucking stupid. i try to be there for everyone and it's like, GOD WHY THE FUCK AM I SO FUCKING STUPID?!?!?!?!? i guess i'm just meant to be a clueless fucking dumbass and grow up a clueless fucking dumbass till i die because i'm a clueless fucking dumbass. and whenever i'm like this, no one is ever fucking there for me!!!! why the fuck do i do this???????

and then i realized, that's partly the reason i started cutting. becuase i'm worthles, i will NEVER make a difference in the world, i will amount to nothing but a poor old bum asking for but a penny on the street. so why does it matter if a dumb little girl like me hurts herself??? why?!?!?! god, why do i make ppl feel so bad???? i don't do it on purpose...

maybe i was just born to die.


and whenever i try to fucking talk to amber about anything, it's not like she cares! when i needed her most when the person i fucking loved broke up with me, she didn't do fucking shit to comfort me or anything. nobody did. alot of people asked me what was worng, but alot of ppl are just nosy.
  • Current Music